


Unsteady

by Lobotomite



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 11:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13270062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lobotomite/pseuds/Lobotomite
Summary: Aaron is having a tough time dealing with Adam's departure, and when Alex comes around to provide some much needed support Aaron's insecurities come to the forefront.





	Unsteady

Don't get him wrong, Aaron is beyond happy with his new relationship; meeting Alex was one of the best things to happen to him in the shitshow that has been the last couple of months. It's just that, well, if he'd had a choice in the matter, he'd probably have wanted to be able to put his best foot forward before hauling Alex down into his toxic pot of insecurities and shaky interpersonal skills.

But then it comes to days like this, where he's sloppily, stupidly drunk because Adam is actually _gone_ , he's on the fucking _run_ , Aaron has to go back to only seeing him on the occasional holidays and he doesn't know how he's going to do it, and Alex is a solid, comforting presence there with him. He's been quietly supportive and understanding as Aaron talks about Adam and how much he's going to miss him with increasingly incoherent speech, dissolving into tears an embarrassing amount of times, and Aaron is a little bit ashamed of pulling Alex into the thick of supporting him right out of the gate but he's so glad he has Alex to lean on right now. He's pretty sure he's even taken time off work to come and be there for him, which he knows is a big thing considering what he does and how much he loves it.

And he appreciates it. God, he does. He just... he just feels like such a _burden_ , such a failure, he couldn't even manage not to fuck up keeping Adam out of prison for something he knows he didn't do, and he ends up choking out a drunken apology through tears and a tight throat, saying how sorry he is for being a mess and just too much.

"Aaron," Alex says quietly, eyebrows tilted down in concern but a small, reassuring smile on his face. "Please don't feel like you have to apologise for what you're going through, or who you are." He reaches out, thumbs pressing gently to Aaron's jaw as he cups his face, looking so painfully fond that Aaron is half convinced he's so drunk he's seeing what he wants rather than what is. "I _like_ who you are, okay? I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"You took time off work, didn't you?" He asks after what he's sure is an incredibly unattractive hiccupping sob, and the guilt hurts when Alex just nods, as if that's something reasonable, as if that's something that didn't even warrant explaining.

"Of course I did. Your best friend has disappeared, Aaron, if you want me here of course that's where I'll be." He gently pulls Aaron closer, bumping their foreheads together. "It really isn't a problem, alright? They'll be fine without me, and I'd rather be here with you."

His eyes slide closed at Alex's gentle thumbs rubbing circles on his skin, but a fresh tear rolls hot and wet down his flushed cheek, uneasy guilt and shame sitting heavy in his stomach.

"You shouldn't have to spend your time off dealing with me," he says, stumbling over his words in an attempt to finish what he's saying before Alex can protest. "Not just- not just today, all the time, you work so hard an'- an' then you have to. Have to fuckin'... come here and deal with my shit all the time." He pulls away from Alex and then leans in again, pulling Alex's hands from his jaw and hiding his face in Alex's shoulder, and Alex's arms fold easily around him, holding him tight. "It must feel like you have to come right back to work and try and fix me," he finishes miserably, voice muffled against Alex's shirt.

Alex takes a deep breath, squeezing him tight, and he knows he's the one who brought it up and said it but the idea of Alex agreeing with him makes him feel like he's going to be sick.

"Aaron... Listen, you know I love what I do. But it's not my whole life, okay? I don't want some... _project_ in my spare time, I didn't come into this wanting to fix you. I'm here because I like you – _you_ , not who I think you could be. Not who I think I could turn you into. I like the Aaron here right now, who would do anything for his little sister, for his friends, for his family, who's been through so much and come out the other side a caring, good person, who's funny and attractive and doesn't hold it against me when I fall asleep on our first date. Who's willing to take a chance on me even though my life basically consists of working and sleeping. Who was brave enough to open up to me about a lot of really tough things. And, yeah, the Aaron who’s human, who struggles with things, who hasn’t had an easy life. I like him, too. So please, Aaron, don't think you have anything to apologise for, because you don't."

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to scare you off, or, or, or talk you into leaving, 'm not, I really like you. I'm sorry. 'M.... I just... I'm sorry." He makes himself shut up finally and presses as close as he feels he can, one hand tight in Alex's shirt and the other tucked under it and pressed against the warm skin above his hip.

"It's okay. You're okay, Aaron. I'm not going anywhere." Alex presses a gentle kiss to his forehead, then rests his head on Aaron's, hand smoothing along his back, and he's not at a point where he feels like he deserves it, but it's starting to feel like maybe that's true.


End file.
